"Health is not just about what you're eating. It's also about what you're thinking and saying."

- Unknown

Years ago, my relationship with food was "natural." I never felt as if I ate too much or too little. I had a healthy relationship with my body. I ate what I wanted: fruits, vegetables, and junk food when I craved some. I wasn't skinny nor was I fat; I was just normal. The girl who didn't aspire to fit into size 0 dresses and the tightest skinny jeans. Then, of course, one day, after hearing rude and unsolicited comments about my "looks," my brain decided to rebel and whisper nasty things to me. That was when I restricted what I ate, even the good kinds of food like fruits and vegetables. I dared not to eat potatoes for years. Avocado was off limits (see, I've come a long way!) and anything made with corn was bound to make my thighs huge. It was all nonsense, but to the vulnerable 17 year-old me, it was enough to make me hate myself enough to deprive my body of the nutrients it needs.

Because of my food restriction, I always came up with excuses to avoid dining out with friends. Especially Mexican food. All the beans and the fat and the carbs. No chips for me. I remember this one time my mum prepared tacos and I just ate lettuce, tomatoes and some salsa. It wasn't fun being around me.

Now, I make sure to include as many fruits and vegetables as I can to my diet. But it's all about balance. Yes, I'll have that piece (or pieces) of bread, too. I'll have cereal and oatmeal for breakfast. I'm not scared of avocados anymore. And I'll definitely eat those corn chips with salsa. I've come a long way and I'm not turning back.

During my recovery, a close friend of mine, who noticed how tiny I had gotten, urged me to try a vegan-friendly place near our campus called Lola Rosa. I was horrified to be honest. I haven't eaten any Mexican-based cuisine in years. After checking the menu, I started to count calories. I even urged her that we should go for a run first, up the hills near our university. I remember I didn't eat lunch that day. I snacked on a few things, nibbled here and there, all because I was saving my calories for what's to come. BUT after taking a bit of their vegan burger (the "hempburger"), I was sold. Numbers weren't dancing around my head anymore. I just enjoyed my meal... because I really liked it. I even told my friend we should eat out more often, try more vegan restaurants. Did I completely stop counting calories and freaking out about restaurant food? No, but it was a necessary step. Baby steps.



One day, at the supermarket, I absentmindedly bought blue corn chips. I've left the bag unopened for two weeks, pretending it doesn't exist. Then, my mum asked if I had any plans of preparing a salsa to go with the chips. She was craving something light and "summery." I grabbed tomatoes, mangoes, avocado and some lemon. I watched my mum enjoy every bite and well, enough is enough, I told myself. I grabbed a bowl and made some for myself, too. I now get random cravings all year round for fruity salsa. Something refreshing when the world feels heavy.

Fruit Salsa
Makes 2-3

Ingredients:

• 3 peaches
• 1 avocado
• 1 mango
• Juice of 1/2 to 1 lemon
• Parsely
• Salt and pepper to taste 
• Corn chips

Dice peaches and mango and place in a bowl. Pit the avocado and slice in cubes. Juice the lemon. Add the parsley. Mix all in the bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Enjoy with corn chips! xx