heartyspoonful

"And the sun took a step back,

the leaves lulled themselves to sleep

and Autumn was awakened."

- Raquel Franco

I feel you. Autumn is finally here. A few days late. The heat and humidity these past few days have been more than insufferable. Insufferable, I tell you! Nothing quite like preparing my body and mind and heart for autumn only to succumb to the powers of heatwaves. It's the adult version of reaching the apex of excitement for Disneyland only to have your parents pull the plug and ship you off to camp. (Camps are fun, I guess, but I suffered from lots of mosquito bites so...). 

If you're still in denial and don't believe that global warming is real, please turn on your telly and watch the news. Hurricanes everywhere. Heatwaves in autumn. Heavier fogs. Come on. This isn't normal at all. Even though it actually feels quite like fall today, it seems the weather will climb yet again next week. Not quite time yet for the dresses to take their leave of absence. Bare with my legs a little longer. 

As a result, my mind has been quite confused when it came to breakfast. Oatmeal just doesn't quite cut it. I mean, imagine sweating like a pig already at 7 am and then eating spoonfuls of warm oatmeal. Not too enticing in my opinion. (I do love my oatmeal, but there's a limit to that love. Cue James Blake's song.) So, I decided, perhaps it's time to create another kind of granola because, hello, granola parfaits are filling AND refreshing. Sorry, peeps, a smoothie or nicecream to quench the heat just does NOT cut it for me. I get too hungry too quickly. A granola parfait is the happy middle. Are you ready for this? 

And I have to add. I realised I had a pack of buckwheat groats sitting quietly in my pantry. The time of buckwheat groats' life is to be had now. Oatmeal, unfortunately, must step aside. Dirty dancing Spotlight is shining on you, buckwheat. Don't fail me now. 

I gotchu, you got me.

Vegan, Gluten-Free Buckwheat Granola

Makes 5-8 servings

Ingredients:

Mix me, baby, one more time!

Do you ever get the feeling that though time has past and, truly, things have changed, nothing really has changed? I get that ironic and rather nonsensical feeling often. Especially right before my birthday. It's only a few days now. I'm waiting for a panic attack to come. What else is new? 

It's not that I'm afraid to turn a year older and turn a new leaf. That has never been my issue. I must admit though that even back when birthday parties were all about blowing candles, hitting pinatas and balloons covering every breathing space, I just never particularly enjoyed celebrating my birthday. Yep, I was that grumpy child who had to force a smile when cameras went click-click. (Think Chandler from Friends during the engagement photo shoot.) It just always seemed like such a great imposition on everyone to celebrate the day of my birth. As if thousands of infants aren't being born every single day. 

So, do you see? Even as a mere duckling I have thought of myself as an imposition... Fast forward to today and I still think that way. Mind you, I don't think I'm a waste of space, but I still just don't like my birthday. My point is this: Your thoughts colour how you perceive the world and how the world perceives you. I'm definitely not a perfect example of a reformed saint. Very far from it. I can just hear some friends chuckling in the background, knowing all too well that I let all the bad thoughts in my head stain my being. The kind of colour that doesn't wash out. This isn't kid-friendly Crayola washable markers. It's more like permanent paint. Careful to paint within the lines.

What else am I trying to say here? I do realise. I know my faults. I know what I must do. And though it seems I'm not working on it, I really am trying to change the way I think. Reduce the amount of negative, blatantly confidence-crushing, utterly harebrained, totally pointless noise in the head. The fluff that I let grow and grow for no apparent reason but to trigger panic attacks. Enough with anxiety. I can't live through another night on my cold bathroom floor gasping for air, tugging on the flimsy threads that keep my happiness intact. For the last five days, I've started to meditate. Only 10 minutes each day. When rain clouds dampen my mood/thoughts, I bring it back to my little practice. How good it feels to quiet my ever busy, super persuasive brain. That silence, though. It's like finally finding the remote and switching off the telly. Just pure beauty. 

At this point, five paragraphs deep, you might be asking yourself when does the darn recipe start? I'm getting to it, okay? We might as well get to it because... let's be honest, sometimes even just typing is exhausting. (FYI, this recipe is pretty much a mash up of my vegan carmelitas (for the crust) and my gluten-free apple blondies because, ya know, I like to recycle.)



Vegan Gluten-Free Apple Crisp Squares
Makes 9-12 squares

Crust Ingredients:

• 1 cup gluten-free oat flour
• 1 1/4 cups gluten-free oats
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• Pinch of salt
• 1/2 cup coconut sugar
• 3/4 cup coconut oil, melted

Apple Topping Ingredients:

• 4 apples of choice, peeled and chopped into chunks
• 1/3 cup water
• 2 tbsp coconut sugar
• 2 tbsp maple syrup
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 2 tsp tapioca powder
• 2 tsp lemon juice or apple cider vinegar

 

Preheat oven to 350 F. Line a regular square pan with parchment paper. 

 

In a medium bowl, cream together coconut sugar and melted coconut oil. Then add all remaining ingredients for the crust and mix until well combined. 

 

Pour half of the crust mixture into the prepared pan. Bake for 10 minutes. 

 

As the crust is baking, mix water and chopped apples in a pan over medium heat. In a small bowl, mix all remaining ingredients except for the maple syrup. Once the apples are a bit tender, pour the mixture and then the maple syrup. Stir until the mixture thickens. Remove from heat to avoid softening the apples too much. 

Once the crust is done, pour the apple mixture on top and then add the remaining oat mixture. Spread evenly. 

Bake for another 30-35 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack before slicing.

Enjoy! xx (With vegan vanilla ice cream would be better!)

A few years ago, whilst traveling on my own in Portugal, I found myself perplexed. Lost and confused, I seemed to have been going in circles. The streets of Lisbon suddenly looked unfriendly and unwelcoming. I decided to act the tourist that I was and approached a stranger to ask for directions. (Human interaction is sometimes required when Google Maps fail you... or if you fail Google Maps.) The girl was smiling with her book and pen in hand. A sudden gust of wind blew and both our dresses did their crazy dance. There's nothing like bonding over a rather embarrassing incident with a stranger. The girl was reading Ficciones by Jorge Luis Borges and so we talked about books we were currently and planning to read. I described her as vivacious and she called me independent. With that, she wrote the quote above by Jorge Luis Borges in my journal. And up to today, I plant the flowers in my soul.... But sometimes, I let others wilt them until I'm ready to plant new seeds again. 

I grew up with my grandma Felice. There were many summer days spent at her home, picking fruits and constantly snacking all day. Though there were a lot of people who visited her, I can't recall having ever met her "best friend". When I was 11 years old and rather confused, jumping from one close friend to another each school year, I asked her if she had a best friend. She answered she did, but life happens and people get caught up with their own drama, their own stories, their own paths. They lost touch and she was lonely for a while, feeling that constant yearning for company. She told me she used her other friends to fill the void she felt, even my grandpa served as a glue to her whole being. She learned how the lost of an attachment can crack one's foundation and turn your soul into dust. 

And that, my friends, is how my sense of independence solidified. Mind you, I spend many childhood days cooped up in my room, reading about relationships of Rapunzel to Harry Potter. Now, much older, I've planted my garden with flowers and plants whose seeds are my own creation, sharing the space with flowers and seeds planted by everyone who's ever walked the path of my life. Having gone through the rather normal adult experiences of losing friends along the way (as unfortunate as it may sound, it happens...) and facing the aftereffects of disappointing ends to romantic relationships (nothing kills more than the what-could-have-beens), I begin to question my current state of independence. Longing hurts. My desire for attachments increased, ironically as I get older and building new relationships becomes so much tougher. I'm dealing.  Working with my mindset. Letting the pain sink in and using it as remedy.

This soul gardener is still baking to calm her mind. (Whoa, what's up with the third person pronouns, lady?) I'm a firm believer that whatever you feed your body will affect how your mind is nourished. Not just physically. But every aspect of your well-being as well. And so the baking adventures continues. These blondies represent the fruit of my soul gardening.

Vegan & Gluten-Free PB&J Chickpea Blondies

Makes 8-10 squares

Adapted from Hungry Haley

Ingredients:

Perfect for breakfast. Or all day. 

To tell you the truth, I've been stalling to post for a few weeks now. It's the longest writer's block I've ever had to go through. I mean, if there isn't a grade to earn, I suppose my brain just shut down and didn't even bother. So, the recipe sits here and because I just want it printed out, I should just go for it, no gimmicks or sarcastic commentaries.

When I transitioned to veganism, brownies were the first mountain I had to climb. Avocado brownies were such a foreign concept even back then. But I tried and it all worked out for the better. Guess who makes brownies almost every week now? Obviously, since variety is the spice of life, sometimes you just have to change it up once in a while. Basically, Minimalist Baker helped me keep it spicy. Dana is such a creative soul that sometimes, I find myself adding so many of her recipes in my favourites folder. Not a bad thing, really. Because I was on a chocolate kick, I decided to try out her recipe for vegan peanut butter swirl brownies. I mean, come on, PB and chocolate? When have I ever turned down this combo? (Way, way back when, I used to fight my brother for Reese's PB Cups on Halloween... Although, I don't think there was much need for that because he hated them.)


Vegan Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Brownies
Makes 9-12 squares
Adapted from Minimalist Baker

Ingredients:

• 1 15-ounce can black beans, well rinsed
• 2 flax eggs
• 3 tbsp coconut oil, melted
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
• 1/4 tsp sea salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 1/4 cup coconut sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1/3 cup dark chocolate chip + more for topping

 

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a square pan with coconut oil and set aside. 

 

Prepare flax egg by combining two tbsp ground flax with 5-6 tbsp of water in a food processor. Add all ingredients up to baking soda in the food processor and pulse until smooth. 

 

If the batter is too thick, add water, a tbsp at a time. Ensure that the batter isn't  runny. Add chocolate chips and mix with a spoon or spatula.

Evenly distribute the batter in the prepared pan. Add dollops of peanut butter and swirl with a knife. Top with more chocolate chips. 

Bake for 35-45 minutes (I baked mine for 35 minutes), or when the edges are crispy, but the middle is still soft. 

Let cool for at least 30 minutes in the pan. If it's still quite soft and delicate to remove, let cool in the freezer for a few minutes to set. 

Enjoy! xx