heartyspoonful

Life is a funny thing. You think you've got it all figured out, but, really, you haven't. Perhaps for a mere second it seems as if everything has fallen into place and you suddenly feel you've deciphered the secret. But not really. 

I was supposed to bake more avocado brownies on Sunday. But there they were, overripe bananas that were begging to be baked. Banana bread again? Nay. I was supposed to bake matcha donuts, that was next on my list of donut flavours to try. But no, the bananas were giving me puppy dog eyes and who was I to resist? 

See, life didn't throw brownies my way so I baked some kick-arse banana chocolate donuts instead. And, the rest, as they say, is history. 

Naked, but totally delish.

Baked Banana Chocolate Chip Donuts

Makes 12 large donuts

Dry Ingredients:

If my first grade teacher would describe me in one word, she'd tell you I'm a "worrier". I was a stressed out kid, never quite feeling settled when there's no fuss about. Deep inside, I always thought if there's no storm in the sea that is my life, then something's wrong indeed. I felt like I had to always be on the lookout, just in case... 

That worried feeling never quite left me. I never managed to shake it off. I'm surprised (but ultimately rather pleased) that I don't have deep frown or worry lines sketched on my forehead. I'm not the only one who feels this way, of course. It's as if we inherently feel life doesn't owe us anything good and that for the good to come, we have to fight hell and high water first. 

But, really, this all comes down to living in the moment, right? Just another kind of weaving of words, but it's all the same. I suppose I've learned to enjoy the moment, especially when good things are happening and just be grateful. But, yes, I lay sleepless some nights thinking about the possible typhoons and hurricanes that may happen in the future. Clear skies and clear waters sound well and good, but perhaps, as humans, we'll find that too boring in the long run. All that so say, I should put on my noise-cancelling headphones when the Sirens of Worry try to lure me with their enchanting music of doubt and fear.

There's really no easy transition from all that blah-blah above to the recipe, so let's cut the awkwardness and jump right into it. I accidentally bought two packs of gluten-free oatmeal and the sheer quantity was giving me panic attacks. I mean, come on! What else to do with excess oats but to make oat flour for baking? Plus in brownies? Who can say no to that?

Vegan Tahini Brownies

Makes 9/12/16 squares *

Ingredients:

• 1 cup gluten-free oat flour
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder **
• 1 tsp baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• 1 flax egg (1 tbsp ground flax + 3 tbsp water)
• 1/8 cup warm nut milk of choice
• 1/3 cup coconut oil, melted
• 1/3 cup tahini
• 2/3 to 3/4 cup maple syrup ***
• Sea salt to top (optional)
• Sesame seeds
• Dark chocolate chunks

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a loaf pan with parchment paper and set aside.

To make flax egg, in a small bowl, mix together water and ground flax. Chill in the fridge for at least five minutes.

In a medium bowl, sift together oat flour, cocoa powder, baking powder and salt.

In another bowl, combine flax egg, almond milk, maple syrup and tahini. Add in coconut oil and stir until smooth. If the coconut oil starts to solidify, warm the liquid mixture a bit.

Pour wet into dry ingredients and mix until well incorporated. Transfer the batter into the prepared loaf pan.

Bake for 15-18 minutes, depending on the texture you prefer. Let cool completely before slicing. Pair with cashew ice cream (or your preferred vegan vanilla ice cream) for some additional love!

Enjoy! xx

Notes:
* I made 9 in total, but if you want to be less of a glutton (unlike me), then you can definitely cut smaller pieces.
** I used dark chocolate cocoa powder and it tasted exactly like dark chocolate bar.
*** I used 2/3 cup instead of 3/4 cup for my sweetness preference. You can add more liquid if the batter is too thick (or add more almond milk).

Perhaps it's the lack of sunny days even though it's spring. Perhaps it's because of the no running. Perhaps it's just boredom. Most likely it's all three combined. All to say that I'm feeling restless. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever introduce constant adventures into my life. Am I that brave? No, definitely not today. 

A colleague and I had a discussion about society's expectations. About the path that we "should" take when we get to a certain age. I don't know how my parents did it. How they went for the deep dive, started a family and went from there. I feel paralysed with fear just thinking about the minutiae of how we're "supposed" to live our lives. Should we really wait until our retirement to see the world? To taste the colourful cultures that we only read about in books written by those who went for it when we "finally have time"? 

Funnily enough, I told a friend this morning that I don't quite know what to do with myself so I bake. All the time. I have to restrain myself. But you see, I haven't figured out what I want yet and with the creeping pressures of society (yes, I feel as if I'm somehow behind given my current circumstance...), baking is a good release. My stress reliever. At least until I can finally run again. Then we'll see if I can solve my current conundrum. 

Cakes. That's my new thing. I was never really into baking cakes because of the hassle. Then again, I only really baked carrot cake, which, let's be honest, is probable not the most friendly of all cakes. I finally bought vanilla again and my mum mentioned she loves vanilla cake. Nothing fancy, just a simple, fluffy cake with a taste of vanilla. There we go. Right at that moment, I knew I needed to bake a vanilla cake. Add a thick layer of coconut cream frosting. Top with fresh, seasonal fruits. I had to bake it because I wanted to. 

Vegan Vanilla Cake with Coconut Frosting

Serves 8-12

Dry Ingredients: