heartyspoonful

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

- Kurt Vonnegut 

2016. There's only a few hours now before we turn to a new page, change the calendar and mark the beginning of 2017. Tic-toc. Is there anything you want to achieve before 2016 officially bids adieu? 

One last blog post for me this year because, as humans, we like that, don't we? Squeezing in one last act before the clock strikes midnight. It makes us feel like we've ticked off one more box, one more from our to do list with crossed out. BUT, remember this, you don't need a new year or a birthday or the beginning of a new month/week to start living, to put into action all of your big plans. NOW is the time (perhaps all of my readings made me feel a wee bit more optimistic). 

In all honesty, I knew this year would bring forth painful experiences for me, but to see the state of the world now, I didn't quite expect this. After almost two of years of suffering from cancer, my dad passed away in February. I now know how it feels to have the ground crumble from under you. To be unable to breathe as if you're drowning under water. Part of me felt relief because finally, my dad didn't suffer anymore. Another part of me wanted to scream and shout and kick. But you know what, as heartbreaking that was, I learned to pick myself up. It took many sleepless nights and heavy mornings. Cup after cup of coffee. Junk food. Miles of running. Comedies. Sad songs. Pages of writing. Crying. I thought I've outcried myself already. Getaways. Panic attacks. Surprisingly, not a lot of alcohol. My liver rejoices.

Fast forward to today and I still find myself in tears when I remember a happy memory, a painful incident or a funny anecdote of my dad. I still can't listen to Edith Piaf's "La Vie en Rose" because that was our song. How Sabrina of us. But I'm beginning to believe there's still beauty in the world, no matter how thick the layer of sadness that envelopes it. 

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

- Samuel Beckett

If we've worked together before, you would've been aware of my frustration career-wise. All the long hours, sleepless nights and early mornings, and for what? I was bitter, much more bitter than strong black coffee. It was unhealthy and toxic. Can you imagine just talking sh*t about your job 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 12 months of the year? Can you imagine breaking down every few weeks or so in front of your parents? Or even that one time you cried so suddenly from exhaustion in the subway? To say it was terrible would be understating the whole situation. 

Partly because of my loss, I had to see a shrink for a while and we worked out (and though it really wasn't a big surprise to anyone) that I needed to say adios to my job. It was time to let go of something that was robbing me of any happiness left in my life. 

But I don't just quit anything without first attaining my goal. In this case, I didn't even know what my goal was professionally. So, I just left with a lot of anxiety in my heart and the fear of the unknown. I found something else and like a dog that has been left out in the cold to starve, it surprised me how nice and understanding my new corporate environment turned out to be. Am I happier? 100%. Do I have my professional future all planned out? Not at all. Will I figure it out? Definitely, step by step. And if I don't by tomorrow, no sweat.

Another lesson from 2016: Don't apologise and let people walk away. To all the young 'uns out there, know this: The older you get, the smaller your close friend circle gets. You had a whole gang of friends before? You're lucky if you can honestly say that your squad is made up of four people as you age. It's okay. Life happens. People get married or move away or go through life transforming experiences. Or simply, people can decide you don't suit them anymore. And that's never your fault. It happens. 

I blamed myself whenever a friendship ended... But I learned that though I'm not perfect, I was still a good friend. I was crawling in muck and was being swallowed whole by quicksand and I still made time to listen to people's woes. Sure, I may have missed a few birthdays here and there, but I was there to listen about people's problems and heartbreaks. There was only so much left of me I could give. I'll try harder, but I'm only willing to give as much as I get. 

Another lesson from 2016: Say no to dieting, and yes to healthy living. Because of all the emotional eating from my old job, I gained more than 15 pounds and had to shop for looser clothing. My wallet cried. The emotional eating stopped when I felt stable professionally, when I let my heart be less wary. Exercise no longer felt like a prison. It was freeing. There are still a number of "I feel fat" days, but I don't feel guilty for the extra piece of cake. Let's just say all the cakes and chocolate I consumed this year were a source of delicious joy, not to escape my nightmares.  

The current state of women's place in the world breaks my heart. We, as women, have come so far, yet in some cases, we've also stepped back. You would think that with all the bevy of educated women produced by today's top colleges and more women in the workforce, there will be more boss women. But no, sexism exists and in some places, rules. I'm opinionated and no, I'm not afraid to shut down sexist ways of thinking, even if it means a guy will never call me back (good riddance) or being a lone wolf with my opinion (sometimes I'm all I need for a party anyway). 

Don't back down, women. And for you men out there, try imagining yourselves in our place. Wear our (high heeled) shoes once in a while and see the world in our eyes. But, overall, don't stop learning. Don't stop questioning. Continue evolving for the better. 

We run and eat and read.

New York, New York, how I never tire of you, but I suppose, you'd easily just swallow me alive and throw me up. Through it all, the dirty streets and loud noises, my inability to easily fall asleep and the constant need to be "doing something," I still love to return to this city. 

If you've browsed through this blog, you probably would've already stumbled upon my post on my vegan NYC guide. I visit this city at least once a year. I tell myself it's because I want to hang out with my friends, but really, it's mostly because I want to try out more vegan spots. Sshh, don't tell them that. 

Run Your Heart Out

This year, I return to New York with the goal of completing a half marathon. Without any expectations, I joined the half marathon lottery and I was surprised to receive an e-mail stating that I was selected. Boy, oh boy, that was in December, and with the cold winter months, I wasn't quite sure how my training would go. 

To make a rather long story short, there barely was any training involved. Sure, I continued to run at least 3 times a week in January, but because of the snow, I only managed to do at least 7km to 10 km each time. My longest run was 11 km, just half the total distance I needed to run in New York. February was a total disaster, where I only covered 31 km in total. Yes, it was bloody frigid and the roads were covered in ice. Why not run on the treadmill?, you ask. Eh, I couldn't because of my knees that felt more inflamed than normal when I force myself to run on that machine. Three weeks before the half, I worked on my speed and I guess that helped, too. 

I was not at all in my best running shape when my Mama and I landed in NYC. My right knee was a bit painful a few days before we left Montreal and I was concerned. But, miraculously, the pain went away and didn't show its ugly head during my run. I wasn't even sure I'd be able to push myself past 11 km. Perhaps because of experience and also pride, I was able to push through.

The first half wasn't so bad at all. I ran 10 km in 50 minutes, but by the 16th km, something went wrong. My left foot was in so much pain, it felt like the Hulk about to rip its clothes apart. My toes were ready to burst out of my Mizunos. I had to slow down by a lot and I already knew my goal of 1h55 was out the window. I had to stop twice to fix my shoe and even walked a bit of the last kilometre to gain some feel back on my left foot. Seeing that 400 metre banner was a huge sign of relief. Finally, it's  almost over and I can freeze the pain away. But hey, it's done and I'm glad I didn't abandon at all. 

Did I also mention how cold it was that morning? Waiting in our corral, a few of us were shivering. We tired dancing to feel a bit of warm, do butt kicks and walk around a bit, but all to disappointment. It was windy and cold. I had to buy a thicker long sleeves running top to have some warmth. I wore two layers of long sleeves and a vest, but it was still cold. Bravo to those runners in shorts and short sleeves. Warriors, you are. I managed to lose my gloves along the way. The dryness of my hands was no joke at all and my upper lip bled as well. Small price to pay, I say. 

Were there any other fun stuff during the half? Sure. A man didn't expect the water to be so cold, he ended up throwing the paper cup full of water and accidentally hitting another running, who was not amused. Hmm, you're right, that's not so funny. A spectator kept on taking my photo, mistaking me for her friend. At least I smiled. A man beside me kept on muttering, "Three more miles. Three more to go. Just three. Come on. Cooommmeeee onnnnn." This other guy also told himself numerous times, "You did it, you did it. It's done. Oh my God, you actually finished it." One man, I actually thought, was having a heart attack. He wasn't breathing well and the sounds were weird and quite scary. He was fine, though. An old lady kept on following me after the run and when I finally asked her what's up, she told me she was following me to the subway. (I didn't take the subway. She wasted her time.) One of the photographers at the finished line told me to come back because she wanted to take my photo. Girl, I really needed water and the blood out of my mouth.

All in all, it was a great experience and I'm glad I talked myself into it. As with any experience that proves to be physically uncomfortable, our minds would surely try to persuade us to stop and turn around. It's all about getting passed that and proving to yourself that you can do it. It feels heavenly to cross that finish line.

Get In My Belly

Of course a trip to New York isn't complete without food. The vegan foodie in me needed about 6 stomachs to be able to consume everything that's available. But since I was traveling with my Mama, who wasn't necessarily as much of a walker as I was (and she really has a hate/hate relationship with NYC subway), I had to take into consideration all the locations of the restaurants.


First stop was one of my favourite breakfast and brunch place, The Butcher's Daughter. Sure, it's pricey for what it is, but you always leave satisfied. The food is healthy and rather tasty. The ambience is on point as well. My Mama felt quite "hip" and comfortable when we headed there for a late breakfast but too early to call brunch. In her own words, it was "exactly what [she] need[s] after an hour of sitting in traffic." No joke, all the road works made what should've been a 20-minute cab ride into an hour long waiting game. No wonder we were both exhausted and hungry.

My mum isn't vegan, so she ordered a bagel sandwich with eggs and an orange and carrot juice whilst I chose my favourite coconut yoghurt with fruits and granola. I think I had to tell myself to take deep breaths to slow down. I guess that's what happens when you've been awake since 3 am to catch your 6 am flight and all you've had that morning was a big cup of coffee. If you've never been to The Butcher's Daughter, please do yourself a favour and head there right away! No regrets.


We didn't really have an itinerary. My Mama and I went with the flow and the turn of weather to guide us with what we should be doing in the day. Since it was rather chilly, we spent a lot of time indoors, mostly in small cafes, drinking coffee or tea. I've done a bit of research, too, for vegetarian/vegan restaurants that I haven't tried before. Terri was one of them. I think there's a few locations in Manhattan, but we stopped by the Chelsea location. We were both so tired so it was rather sad when we found out there wasn't really a place to sit and eat our food. I had our wraps on take away and we headed to the nearest cafe we could find. It's fun sneaking in "outside" food and trying to not get caught. Is it just me?

Mama chose the Thai "chicken" wrap, which was actually very delicious and I highly recommend it. If you want to die of happiness hummus overload, choose the hummus and avocado wrap. I fell in love! We ate slowly, telling ourselves along the way there's no way we'll finish it all. But when you've walked 15 km already and it's only 2 pm, you know you're bound to eat anything in sight. And so that's what we did.


By now you should know that thought I love my city, I do contemplate on moving to another city that has Whole Foods. I'm serious. I can handle the snow, all the bipolar weather, terrible roads, and all that jazz. But the fact that there's no Whole Foods close to me makes my heart break. So I happily dragged my mum to Whole Foods when Lovely Day told us there was an hour wait for the next available table. (My tummy waits for no one...) Obviously, we went crazy. My Mama and I bought fresh fruits like banana, oranges, strawberries and blueberries, we grabbed some coconut yoghurt, and then we ran straight to the salad bar.

I think we ate at Whole Foods three times. There was one close to where we stayed so it was easy to be lazy and skip the other vegan restaurants to head here instead and be creative. I usually always take baby spinach and top it off with everything I find savoury. Tofu is always a must. I'll add some couscous or quinoa. Maybe some roasted potatoes because, come on, I'm on vacation and calories don't count. Right? Not the biggest fan of their falafels, but heck, I'll take some, too. I just loads up on a lot of their roasted veggies like sweet potato, squash, courgette and broccoli. Yum!


When you're wandering around East Village, you'd think the next food stop is a Ukrainian institution. But alas, no, Angelica Kitchen, or as I like to nickname it "Heaven," is a favourite spot of mine. The food is just like home. The portions are pretty big, too so we always have a doggie back whenever we visit. It's the first time I ate here for brunch and since 1) I missed having pancakes and 2) I was telling myself I'm carboloading before my half marathon, I ordered the buckwheat pancakes and tried to be sensible so I added some roasted veggies, too. Mama went for their brunch special of huevos rancheros. (She highly recommends this!)

Let me tell you something, I thought I'm an experienced pancake eater. But, nay, I was slaughtered by those pancakes. I think I ate one and a half and asked our server to pack the rest. I didn't skimp on the maple syrup though because YOLO. Then, after cleansing our tummies a bit with green tea, Mama and I shared what I must say was one of my favourite cakes ever, their Tres Leches cake. I still dream about that cake. I swear, if I do get married, I would like that as my wedding cake. The groom has no say.


After my half marathon, I wanted a nice sit-down lunch so I can just stretch my legs under the table. But since my actual stretching took a long time, our original plan to have lunch at Blossom had to be rethought. (FYI, it closes at 2:45 and reopens at 5 pm). Since Mama and I were at Chelsea anyway, we decided to head to Blossom Du Jour instead, which is their take on fast food. You know what? I think it was a happy ending.

We got there, exhausted and hungry. Mama knew right away what she wanted: a cold, sweet shake and their beet burger. It took a while for me to decide. Should I go with a salad? The burrito? Or that quinoa burger? The latter ultimately won, and we threw in onion rings for good measure. Comfort food at it's finest without make you feel like you need to do a 2-hour workout right after. Sure, I did run a half marathon that morning, but I definitely would eat all this even if I just sat on my bum. The only downside is, if you're quite thirsty, which I was, best to bring your own bottle of water or order a full drink. That cup of water just made me thirstier. But hey, I still dream about those darn onion rings.

We visited a few more places and even had some vegan baked goods from Union Square Park. I do think that if you're vegan, you do have a lot of options. Had we stayed another day, I definitely would've dedicated that day to food.

If you've reached this part of the post, then oh my goodness, you're a trooper. Here's to more running and food adventures for us all!

xx

I don't know about you, but I never keep New Year's resolutions. Not a single one. Perhaps, all will go well for a few months or so, and then it's downhill from there. Come December, I would feel rather disappointed in myself. I would beat myself over the broken promises, a sackful of them throughout the years. I hate that. I'm trying to avoid letting myself down like that. It's a painful, painful experience. 

For 2016, I decided to take on a different approach. Instead of resolutions, I'm setting up intentions or a simple bucket list of sorts. Plus, I'll update the list monthly. I want to check my progress or my "un-progress." To make adjustments if needs be. This way, I think at least, I'll know for sure whether or not I'm able to accomplish anything from my list and I'm not waiting until the end of the year to give myself a pat on the back. Good job. 

So far, I came up with the following: