heartyspoonful

Since moving to my new home, I haven't been reading as much as usual. I still read, of course, but I suppose without the almost feverish need to do it every time I have some free time. In any case, I can tell you that I still feel a panic attack coming when I realise I didn't bring a book with me when I step out of the house. Books are my safety net. 

This summer, I browsed the best seller shelves in bookstores to inspire me. Not very creative at all. There are still books left unread that are forever parked in my wishlist. I must remember to click on "add to cart" one of these days. Let me tell you anyway of what I've enjoyed (and not so much) reading these past few months.

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur 

I love poetry, but I always find myself reading the works of Baudelaire and Rimbaud and Gautier (in French, too). I must say though that due to my past obsession with tumblr, I stumbled upon the modern day take on poetry and prose. I even started to write poetry without much consideration for structure. It's about self-expression, right? 

This is why I fell in love with Rupi Kaur's work. I remember stumbling upon a very short work of hers on tumblr (see below) and though there were only four lines, I found myself nodding because I just understood. Rupi's work also reminds me of Warsan Shire's work and that's not a bad thing at all. 

Milk and Honey was an impulse buy and boy, I don't regret it one bit. I couldn't identify with all of her prose (sexual assault, her complicated relationship with her father, being an Indian woman), but there's a progression in this book. Growth. Being a woman. Romantic relationships--their exciting beginnings, the delicious yet somehow lacking middle and ultimately the bitter end. Finding oneself after a heartbreak. Being an immigrant. It's a hodgepodge of subjects and for sure you'll find yourself identifying to at least one of her works. 

Rupi's raw honesty that cuts and her no nonsense approach to her writing are two strong points of this book. There's something about the simplicity of her poetry that is both soothing and urgent. It's not like the works of (my beloved) Edna St. Vincent Millay, but let's not be poetry snobs about it. I still recommend Milk and Honey, a light read to tug at your heartstrings. 

From tumblr: 

"the way they

leave

tells you

everything"

Personal favourite:

"and here you are living

despite it all"

You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein

A collection of personal essays peppered with witty remarks, hilarious yet awkward blast from the past tales and accidental inspirational banter? Sign me up! I've been reading a lot of non-fiction lately, mostly essays written by women, a lot of whom I didn't even know before reading their works. They've all been such nice surprises. 

I picked up this book because of it's title and the photo of Jessi as a somewhat boyish-looking girl in pink. I can relate. I remember that day I was browsing the bookstore, I kept on telling myself to buy Eckhart Tolle's books for inspiration because, hello, I'm in my 20s and there's always a funk somewhere that I need to air out forever. But then, I saw You'll Grow Out of It and my body just automatically reached for it and there was no turning back. As I've mentioned above, I really like the title... but I'm still uncertain as to what I need to grow out of (I'm in denial, obviously). I wanted to find out Jessi's version. 

No need to tell you about the different essays on this book, that's for you to find out (with joy). But let's just say that this book, like many others of this kind before it, is about a woman's journey, told in a comedic yet self-patronising yet smart tone. Jessi's a woman who has seen it all (almost all?). You'll realise she's a late bloomer as well, and trust me, I could relate to that. I'm not Jewish, but I enjoyed her Jewish interpretations to certain life events. 

There was something about her writing style that made me think that hey, I can relate! We don't share the same experiences, but reading about her thoughts about particular situations made me recall my own thought process. Hey, apparently, I'm not alone in thinking that Victoria's Secret is, well, not that great (think about it, the chances of you wearing the same lingerie as your boyfriend's ex...). Although, unlike Jessi, I left packed underwear when I was a child. But, like Jessi, I need dessert to comfort me when all hell breaks loose. Oy. 

Do I think you'll enjoy this book? Absolutely. Unless of course you just want the hard-hitting non-fiction books about war and the world economy and the minds of great thinkers. But hey, sometimes you just need a break and a refreshing read. 

Favourite quote:

"This was when I learned one of the biggest secrets of being a woman, which is that much of the time, we don't feel like we're women at all." 

So Sad Today by Melissa Broder

Ok, I bought this book because of the title. Specifically, because I was feeling really sad that day. I had a random, out of the blue panic attack. Usually, I can "sense" when a panic attack is looming. There's that dread of it. The sudden mood swing. And then the inevitable. That day, however, everything was fine until it wasn't. Until I felt like there was a dementor sucking all my happiness away. Until I found myself hiding in a quiet corner of the office, grasping desperately for air. It lasted less than a minute, but it somehow felt longer, much longer.

I didn't know a thing about this book at all when I purchased it. I guess, selfishly, it intrigued because it seemed someone else had it worse than me. (We're funny, us humans, in that way.) Have you heard of that quote that goes along the lines of comedians are really the loneliest people? That's what So Sad Today made me feel about its author. Melissa isn't a comedian by trade like Jessi Klein, but there was still some comedic interpretation in her writing. Ha! You see, another sad individual using comedy to lighten the pain of being alive.

Not everything Melissa went through is relatable. Or maybe not to me (yep, not living such on the edge). There's drugs and medication and extra marital affairs and just lots of irresponsible decisions. But there's also her sweet yet heartbreaking marriage. That touched my heart quite a bit. There was something so vulnerable yet so real in Melissa's writing. She fearlessly writes about what a lot of people would hide in their closets. Hello, are you open to discuss your fetish openly?

This book is sad, but sweet in its own way. It's also disturbing and infuriating, but at the same time, so ironic and witty. You'll either love it or hate it (like anything in life). Even though I don't understand her obsession with Twitter, it's still well worth the read.

Favourite quote:
 "I am a superficial woman of depth."


Honourable Mentions:

This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz

Again, should it even come to you as a surprise that I picked up this book because I liked the title? We see the pattern here, right? I don't know what I feel about this book personally. Maybe because I'm not a guy and don't go through the same experience? Maybe it's a cultural thing and I don't know much about Dominicans? Maybe because I don't get the overall experience of the protagonist? There was just something about the story (stories?) that I couldn't really understand. On a personal level, I wasn't able to relate and connect with the characters. The loving and the cheating and the running after people. We all deal with these things (avoid the cheating bit, please), but to be quite honest, I found it a little over the top.

It's a big puzzle, these short stories. Personally, I don't think the characters were developed enough. Especially when Yunior was much older and had gone through all those relationships. Grow up! Again, the majority of readers loved this book. I'm not one of the masses. But that's just me.

Eat, Pray, Love Made Me Do It: Life Journeys Inspired by the Best Selling Memoir

There are still about 100 pages left unread. It's a hard read for me, only because I suppose after reading Eat, Pray, Love I'm expecting some big, drastic life changes. That's not always the case. Though each story is inspiring in its own way, the question remains: "Will you be inspired by it?" There were times that I feel like the authors were trying to sound profound... Having gone through a difficult time dealing with my dad's cancer and death, I found myself rolling my eyes at some of the stories. I get it, we're only human, our threshold for pain varies. BUT the collection of essays in this book weren't all on the same page. What I mean is, there are stories that really move you because the author sounds very genuine. Other stories drag on and on and I wonder how Eat, Pray, Love actually brought about the change in this person's life. Maybe this book is exactly what you need. I'm not there yet.


Happy reading! xx

I can hear the wind howling outside, tapping my windows as if to say, "Stay comfy indoors, it's a wild party out here." Keeping warm with thick knit socks and a big comforter wrapped around me, I think it's time to write another post about books I've read, loved and questioned. Let's do this. 

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami

I started to run when I was a teenager. It just happened one afternoon. I decided to run. Just like that. I remember the difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, the feeling of wanting to fall flat on my face. The first few runs were so difficult, but I loved the feeling of having a clear mind right after. I didn't know much about running then to be honest. I didn't stretch afterwards properly, I didn't pace myself. I was just running for the heck of it. Boy, when my knees started to hurt, I knew I better read up. 

You see, Haruki Murakami's book isn't necessarily your typical running book. Murakami doesn't exactly give you advice on how to run. Rather, he paints this beautiful picture of his experience as a runner throughout the years. His writing is simply dreamy. I couldn't put this book down and when I did, it was mostly because I wanted to go for a run. I appreciated the parallels he described between writing and running, how his experience of these two activities were interlinked. Think about it. sometimes you run to clear your mind so you can write. Sometimes, you write and then your brain tells you it's time to do something else. What better way than to stretch your legs? 

I wish to have a colourful running history as Murakami. I particularly loved his storytelling of all the runs that failed, his successes and everything else in between. A must-read for anyone who loves to run, to write or simply who loves the creations of Murakami. 

Dear knees, don't fail me just yet. 

What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding: A Memoir by Kristin Newman 

Let's just say that 2015 was a year of memoir reading and soul-searching (to continue this 2016, to be sure). A few friends have gotten married or engaged, moved in together with their partners. And there I was (and still am), single to no end. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining that I'm not in a relationship, I simply make the most of it. (But you, man with green eyes, why do we ignore each other?)

I found this book one night, a brilliant stroke of luck. I was planning to purchase another book, but instead, the title of this book caught my eye. I'm glad I purchased it instead! Kristin Newman recounts her relationships or lack thereof, of her career struggles and then success, of all her travels as a single woman and then, finally, of falling in love with a man who made her want to stay put. Her honesty and wit are refreshing, as if I can hear her laughter. Her stories are also something else! They make my solo travels very tame and boring. Maybe Argentina and Brazil should be my next stop. 

It's not exactly validity, but reading about another person's experience that, in general, resonates to my own is a breath of fresh air. If you're single and just trying to live your life to the fullest, in the most colourful way possible, please, do yourself a favour and read this book. It's one heck of a turbulent plane ride, but with the view of the brightest rainbow. 

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

Did I always call myself a feminist? No. Did I even know what a feminist was growing up? No, not really. Did I feel as if there's inequality between the sexes that favoured one over the other in most cases? Yes, absolutely. 

Feminism is essential. I'll keep it simple as that. Anyone who dismisses the need for feminism in today's world needs to be educated. Really. A good way to start would be by reading Roxane Gay's collection of essays. These essays are funny, witty and smart. Her voice is loud and clear, but not forceful. I appreciated that she made the essays personal, not generalising. This is an account of her feminist experience, from when she was a young girl learning about the world to now, as a woman. The range of her essays' subjects vary greatly to a wonderful effect. I particularly loved that she touched upon subjects that have been newsworthy (for example, the continuous debate whether abortion should be legalised). She weaves her stories to indicate the woman she has become, all the paradox that comes with it. I'm sure you'll read some of these essays and go, "Oh, that's totally me!" 

I cannot recommend this book more than I already do. It's a wonderful and insightful read. No judgments. Just plain truth of someone who thinks of herself as a "bad feminist." But then again, the only bad thing is to deny feminism. 

How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are by Anne Berest, Audrey Diwan, Caroline de Maigret and Sophie Mas

Confession: I have a cheesy love for anything involving Paris and Parisians. Just like Audrey Hepburn, I also think Paris is always a good idea. Look, the history of Paris has been rocky and romanticised, but you cannot deny the beauty that lies there still. All the opportunities. All the secrets. The je ne sais quoi that lies in street corners, waiting for you to discover the offerings of this magical city. 

When this book first came out, my reaction was, "God, no, not another one." After a few weeks, however, I purchased a copy (because it was on sale) and I bit my tongue. This book is uncannily funny! Hilarious! That little story about first dates and ordering at a restaurant made me laugh so much. There are truths. There are also, at least I think, bits and pieces that we generalise as Parisien, but that I highly doubt always apply. But you see, isn't that the charm of Paris? The idea that all Parisiens are this chic? Mais, oui, oui. It's a book to take lightly, but I do think it's written beautifully. I just feel a little cooler. Just a bit. 

So, if you dream of Paris or at least to unleash the Parisienne in you, grab this book and read away.  Put on a shirt and light perfume, moisturise and choose the red lipstick, and you're good to go. 

Au revoir !

By no means am I declaring myself the biggest bookworm there ever was, but I have loved reading from the tender age of four. My favourite gifts have always been books, a little fact that my mother learned early on. I read various versions of several fairy tales growing, leading to the more gory original stories that were told. Many afternoons were spent pretending to enjoy the nap that my parents have declared quite vital to a child's growth, when, truth be told, I would quietly reach for a book I secretly placed under my pillow to read. As a 12 year-old, I was allowed to browse the more "adult" sections of the public library. I reached for Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, as cliche as that might sound. The librarian gave me a funny look when I borrowed it. Why in the world would a pre-teen girl read this book? To be honest, I actually really liked the cover of that particular edition and the title! I mean, Pride and Prejudice. It took a few more reads as I got older for me to grasp the essence of the book, of course. My immature 12 year-old brain knew squat about love. This is why the Harry Potter series were my love affair at this point. The next one could not come soon enough. So you see, books get me rather excited. Very much so. 

Nothing much has changed as I grew older. Except, perhaps, now I do not unfortunately have enough time to read, but of course, once a book lover, always a book lover. I make it a point to read a few books every month. Gone are the days I would greedily finish a book in one day. But I do try. 

Here are some of my favourites from the last year. 

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

After taking an art history course on feminism, I was fortunate enough to be introduced to various female authors, painters, photographers, artists, revolutionaries, musicians, actresses, etc., who have shared their talents in order to spread the word about feminism. Even after I finished the course, I continued to read feminist essays, listen to talks about feminism and learn about feminist art. This all lead me to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's brilliant TEDx talk. This particular talk moved me so much because, as a woman, I have been a recipient of sexist remarks and experiences. I do not know if you identify yourself as a feminist or if you have particular qualms about feminism, but I urge you to watch this TEDx talk. It is concise, brilliant and rather funny. 

From the popularity of her TEDx talk, Adichie published an essay adapted from this particular TEDx talk. Believe me, I almost wanted to highlight every line of this essay. It speaks to me. I was that girl, who had to sit back because a boy was deemed to be a better choice as head of a school project. I was that girl, who was ignored by a salesman because he had assumed the guy with me would pay for my purchases (I was with my brother and though I know he loves me, I highly doubt he is open to pay $200 of dresses). I am that girl, who continually receives comments about my single-hood. When are you getting married? There must be something wrong with you. You need a man! Aren't you scared you'll end up alone? Or childless? So, Valentine's Day must be a sad day for you. This all makes me angry, but I smile through it all and I let you have it, calmly. Because, no, my identity as a woman does not rely on a man putting a ring on it. 

Adichie also points out how boys and girls are raised today and how this impacts the attitude of males and females when they become adults. With witty remarks and funny personal stories, Adichie is able to make her point: that feminism is not solely for the well-being of women, but that men can profit from it as well. She also admits that our beliefs that have been long-standing and so ingrained within us are not necessarily easy to erase, but that we can reverse some of the effects by changing how we raise our children, both boys and girls. Adichie defines feminism simply to avoid getting lost in translation. No, feminism is not about the supremacy of women. It is not about women claiming they are the better sex. It is not about slashing men's faces and burning them at the stake. As Adichie points out, men also suffer from gender inequality, that they also have to face unfair expectations as well. So what is feminism? It is about bringing this inequality to a fair level so that there is no one gender that is better or worse off. 

Thus, I highly recommend this tiny book of just a few pages. Well worth it. 

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

Have I created much these past few years? No. I stopped painting. I stopped creating handmade birthday and holiday cards. I barely wrote anymore. My time was spent mostly working in the corporate world, and yes, it is like a newborn baby that demands all your attention. My solution was simplistic actually: I created an Instagram page that featured all my breakfasts. I continued to bake, tried (very simple) food styling and started taking photographs. I have been on/off with blog writing, just because for the longest time I was being too hard on myself. 

Reading Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic was an eye-opener. Really. There is something so honest with her writing. She does not hide her failures, she joyfully describes the details of what has not been fruitful in her endeavours. I loved that she not only gave examples from her past experiences, but also shared stories about how others have resolved their creative funk. There is no I-am-better-than-you sound from her tone; she is encouraging and insightful. 

Sometimes, Gilbert sounded like she was a cheerful high school guidance counselor who was giving pep talk and you know what? I really found that refreshing. It gave me the boost I needed to continue with my writing (and now I write at least a line every single day). I brought out my old water colours, sketchpad, the works, so I can start drawing and painting again. Because, as Gilbert points out, what you create does not have to be validated by someone else. All that matters is that the products of your creativity bring you joy. I completely agree. 

Sure, of course I daydream that perhaps one day I will publish something, anything! But that is not my main driver for creating. Gilbert repeats this more than once: Your creativity should not be rooted simply to create for others. It is foolish to do so. 

If you want your creative juices to start flowing and you need some warm character to give you a nudge, please do yourself a favour and read this wonderful book. No regrets. 

Creamy & Crunchy: An Informal History of Peanut Butter, the All-American Food by Jon Krampner

Look, being a vegan who is not allergic to peanuts translates to a peanut butter monster. My mum actually saved some space in one of our cupboards to place all the jars of peanut butter I had "hoarded" (her words, not mine). My luggage has been searched many times over between flights from New York City to Montreal just because I kept on buying jars and jars of different flavoured peanut butter from Whole Foods. No, sir, that is clearly not a jar of peanut butter; that is my underwear. Put it back. There has not been a day I have not had a spoonful of peanut butter. (Okay, perhaps when I travel to Europe I go without but that is just because it is not North America. I cannot find Justin's Squeezepack, can I?) But, you see, when I found this book about peanut butter by Jon Krampner, I just new I had to read it. 

Perhaps, like peanut butter, it is not for everyone. Especially if you are not the type of person who likes history, but truth be told, I quite enjoyed this book. Krampner describes the different types of peanut butter from classic smooth to more adventurous crunchy to far newer forays into creativity involving various flavours. He also points out the different kinds of peanuts that are used to make peanut butter (my favourite is actually Valencia peanut butter, but it is not very popular). Aflatoxin mold was also in the picture, which is unavoidable when narrating peanut butter's history. It sounds scary. It is scary. But I suppose this is a risk I am willing to take. 

There are stories about peanut butter that made me shake my head, some that had me feeling quizzical, others that I simply could understand. All in all, if you love peanut butter and would actually want to know more about its history, from where it first originated to how it came to the American household, you should give this one a go. Now spread some lovin'. 

Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own by Kate Bolick 

Being a 26 year-old single woman, who has "no prospects" in sight means a lot of questioning from the marriage police. It also means a lot of judgments of my character. Why is it that I am the one accused of having a difficult personality? As if wonderful men who are financially stable, responsible, mature with a good sense of humour fall down the sky every minute or so. No, I am not being picky or difficult. I just have not found someone with whom I am willing to share the comforts of my existence. 

Spinster came into my life at a rather angry point and what good timing that was. I really started to feel like there was something wrong with me (and yes, I go through periods of continuous self-questioning and self-doubt), but when I read the words of Kate Bolick, I felt relieved. Here was a woman, who had a man who loved her, but because she was searching for something that felt more right, she left that behind and went on her own journey of self-discovery. Bolick thus starts with her own journey and then expands on the more global experiences of women, both historical and present. She examines the lives of female personas, such as poet Edna St. Vincent Millay and novelist Edith Wharton. Some of these women did get married, other chose a more solitary life. Some of these women enjoyed the company of many lovers, whilst others pined over one. All in all, Spinster gives a good glimpse of the varying journeys of women and that the social norm does not translate to it-works-for-everyone. Because it does not. 

There are women in my family, who either chose not to marry at all or who married later in life because they wanted to focus more on their careers and other passions. Sure, they heard their biological clock ticking, but they reaped more pleasure in seeing the fruits of their hard labour. Love can wait and it did. Bolick describes the progression and somewhat entanglement of her love life, but throughout it all, she braved the snide remarks and the pitiful glances. Ever the single girl. When someone feels sorry for me, I punch this person on the inside. Please do not feel sorry for me. Perhaps you mean well, but this kind of reaction only makes me feel inadequate and insecure. It helps no one. 

Bolick's book helped me cope with the endless questioning of my non-existent relationship and of what, for some people, seem to be a rather dire-looking future. I am fine. I will be fine. With a man or without one. If you are a single girl, especially if you are in your 20s, and feeling very self-conscious and alone, give this one a read. You are not alone.

Enjoy xx

Sylvia Plath photo credit: Playbuzz