heartyspoonful

A few years ago, whilst traveling on my own in Portugal, I found myself perplexed. Lost and confused, I seemed to have been going in circles. The streets of Lisbon suddenly looked unfriendly and unwelcoming. I decided to act the tourist that I was and approached a stranger to ask for directions. (Human interaction is sometimes required when Google Maps fail you... or if you fail Google Maps.) The girl was smiling with her book and pen in hand. A sudden gust of wind blew and both our dresses did their crazy dance. There's nothing like bonding over a rather embarrassing incident with a stranger. The girl was reading Ficciones by Jorge Luis Borges and so we talked about books we were currently and planning to read. I described her as vivacious and she called me independent. With that, she wrote the quote above by Jorge Luis Borges in my journal. And up to today, I plant the flowers in my soul.... But sometimes, I let others wilt them until I'm ready to plant new seeds again. 

I grew up with my grandma Felice. There were many summer days spent at her home, picking fruits and constantly snacking all day. Though there were a lot of people who visited her, I can't recall having ever met her "best friend". When I was 11 years old and rather confused, jumping from one close friend to another each school year, I asked her if she had a best friend. She answered she did, but life happens and people get caught up with their own drama, their own stories, their own paths. They lost touch and she was lonely for a while, feeling that constant yearning for company. She told me she used her other friends to fill the void she felt, even my grandpa served as a glue to her whole being. She learned how the lost of an attachment can crack one's foundation and turn your soul into dust. 

And that, my friends, is how my sense of independence solidified. Mind you, I spend many childhood days cooped up in my room, reading about relationships of Rapunzel to Harry Potter. Now, much older, I've planted my garden with flowers and plants whose seeds are my own creation, sharing the space with flowers and seeds planted by everyone who's ever walked the path of my life. Having gone through the rather normal adult experiences of losing friends along the way (as unfortunate as it may sound, it happens...) and facing the aftereffects of disappointing ends to romantic relationships (nothing kills more than the what-could-have-beens), I begin to question my current state of independence. Longing hurts. My desire for attachments increased, ironically as I get older and building new relationships becomes so much tougher. I'm dealing.  Working with my mindset. Letting the pain sink in and using it as remedy.

This soul gardener is still baking to calm her mind. (Whoa, what's up with the third person pronouns, lady?) I'm a firm believer that whatever you feed your body will affect how your mind is nourished. Not just physically. But every aspect of your well-being as well. And so the baking adventures continues. These blondies represent the fruit of my soul gardening.

Vegan & Gluten-Free PB&J Chickpea Blondies

Makes 8-10 squares

Adapted from Hungry Haley

Ingredients:

Perfect for breakfast. Or all day.