heartyspoonful

A few years ago, whilst traveling on my own in Portugal, I found myself perplexed. Lost and confused, I seemed to have been going in circles. The streets of Lisbon suddenly looked unfriendly and unwelcoming. I decided to act the tourist that I was and approached a stranger to ask for directions. (Human interaction is sometimes required when Google Maps fail you... or if you fail Google Maps.) The girl was smiling with her book and pen in hand. A sudden gust of wind blew and both our dresses did their crazy dance. There's nothing like bonding over a rather embarrassing incident with a stranger. The girl was reading Ficciones by Jorge Luis Borges and so we talked about books we were currently and planning to read. I described her as vivacious and she called me independent. With that, she wrote the quote above by Jorge Luis Borges in my journal. And up to today, I plant the flowers in my soul.... But sometimes, I let others wilt them until I'm ready to plant new seeds again. 

I grew up with my grandma Felice. There were many summer days spent at her home, picking fruits and constantly snacking all day. Though there were a lot of people who visited her, I can't recall having ever met her "best friend". When I was 11 years old and rather confused, jumping from one close friend to another each school year, I asked her if she had a best friend. She answered she did, but life happens and people get caught up with their own drama, their own stories, their own paths. They lost touch and she was lonely for a while, feeling that constant yearning for company. She told me she used her other friends to fill the void she felt, even my grandpa served as a glue to her whole being. She learned how the lost of an attachment can crack one's foundation and turn your soul into dust. 

And that, my friends, is how my sense of independence solidified. Mind you, I spend many childhood days cooped up in my room, reading about relationships of Rapunzel to Harry Potter. Now, much older, I've planted my garden with flowers and plants whose seeds are my own creation, sharing the space with flowers and seeds planted by everyone who's ever walked the path of my life. Having gone through the rather normal adult experiences of losing friends along the way (as unfortunate as it may sound, it happens...) and facing the aftereffects of disappointing ends to romantic relationships (nothing kills more than the what-could-have-beens), I begin to question my current state of independence. Longing hurts. My desire for attachments increased, ironically as I get older and building new relationships becomes so much tougher. I'm dealing.  Working with my mindset. Letting the pain sink in and using it as remedy.

This soul gardener is still baking to calm her mind. (Whoa, what's up with the third person pronouns, lady?) I'm a firm believer that whatever you feed your body will affect how your mind is nourished. Not just physically. But every aspect of your well-being as well. And so the baking adventures continues. These blondies represent the fruit of my soul gardening.

Vegan & Gluten-Free PB&J Chickpea Blondies

Makes 8-10 squares

Adapted from Hungry Haley

Ingredients:

Perfect for breakfast. Or all day. 

I just want to reflect a bit and then off we go to the recipe.

One winter morning, when ice and snow hailed king and queen, I decided that my tummy could no longer endure the hunger that was swelling. And so, I braved the cold air and icy sidewalks and headed to the market to buy fresh produce. There were so many "almost" moments, in particular, almost breaking my neck and back, but thankfully, my butt was more than accommodating to the purplish bruises that called my body home (at least for a while). With my grocery bags, I tried to figure out how I would get back home. Should I hail a cab? Should I take public transportation? But, really, my house was only a 20-minute walk away. My rather stubborn mind decided a winter walk, heavy bags and all, would probably do me good. Five minutes into my trek back home, I was ready to cry. Literally, it was my load that almost broke me down, probably rendering me unconscious on a sidewalk with spilled sweet potatoes and rolling cans of beans. 

There was my lightning bolt moment. The time I realised I could let the winter weather and heavy groceries kill me or I can simply change how I carry everything to make my walk a little more bearable. I've had many slips, believe me. Tears quietly shed in the privacy of a loo stall. Frustrations vented out to anyone who would listen. Angry outbursts in my bedroom, picking a pillow fight with myself. Miles of running to let the cinders of my anger burn and die. Swimming in a sea of my tears and floating away, salt in my eyes. At the end of every tantrum and honest confrontations, I pick up my baggage and carry on, shifting into different positions until I can no longer break. I walk on, perhaps slowly, but never ceasing. 

Sooooo, the recipe.

I'm not afraid of flour, far from it. I'll happily eat toasts and even a small loaf of bread. Sometimes, I have to say, my body just craves something lighter. Unfortunately, flour-based foods are heavy, especially when one suffers from digestive issues. I for one can't always eat bread or pasta and the like. When the craving hits though, I reach for beans to make a scrumptious dessert that will hit the spot just the same. This time around, I baked cookies with chickpeas as base... Oh. My. Goodness. Let's just say I'll have to bake this again!

Hard not to devour it all.

Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies

Makes 12 cookies

Ingredients:

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.

Using a food processor, pulse chickpeas until smooth. Some thicker bits remaining are ok.

Next, add maple syrup, tahini and cashew butter. Process until well combined.

Add in baking powder, vanilla and salt. Process some more. 

Fold in chocolate chips.

Form the dough into balls and flatten a bit on prepared baking tray. Bake for 10-12 minutes, depending on the consistency of your dough. Make sure the bottom is more browned so the cookies won't fall apart.

Let cool on the baking sheet before moving.

Enjoy! xx 

Lately, I've been on a sugar craving roller coaster. After every meal, I crave dessert. It could be just a spoonful of peanut butter and medjool dates. But more often than not, I want baked goods! Obviously, there's a need for moderation, but when the cravings are just too strong, you know you need healthier options. 

I've never minded flour, to be honest with you. I remember a trip to Paris, where I ate two loaves of bread in one day and not give a single hoot. These days is a whole other story. Not knowing exactly the cause of some digestive issues, I've decided to limit my flour intake. Not gluten in particular, but mainly big wheat sources like bread and baked goods. Sure, I still have almond butter and jelly sandwiches, but I do try to limit my daily intake of flour-based foods. 

We've all seen flour substitutes - from black beans to coconut flour. The not-so-popular option is chickpea flour. I've only used chickpea flour for vegan "omelettes". But, hey, it's good to know that chickpea flour can be used for chocolate chip cookies, too! 

Bite me.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Chickpea Cookies

Makes 12 cookies

(Recipe adapted from BackyardOwl)

Ingredients: